Athenian+Marriage+Customs

//**Describe the marriage customs in Athenian society at the time of Pericles.**

"May the gods grant you all that you desire in your heart: A husband and a home and the accompanying unity of mind and feeling, Which is so desirable; for there is nothing nobler or better than this, When two people, who think alike, keep house As man and wife."// - Homer, //**The Odyssey**// (VI.180-184)

In ancient Greece, marriage was considered vital, for reasons ranging from the religious to the biological and practical. Above all, marriage was honoured to maintain the //oikos//, or 'basic family unit' Greek society was organised around. While some couples did marry for love, most others married on the basis of the //oikos//. Marriage was considered so important for this reason, that the great lawgiver Solon once contemplated making marriage compulsory in Athens.

The poet Hesiod addressed Greek men in //Works and Days:// "In the prime of life bring a wife to our home, when you are not much short of thirty... your wife should be four years past puberty, and be married in the fifth. You should marry a maiden, so you can teach her diligent habits." Girls in Athens were married at around 14 years old, while men were married when they could afford it. An unmarried woman was considered incomplete; some medical writers thought a woman's womb might wander and she might suffocate if she did not have the beneficial effects of sex and pregnancy to ensure her good health and well-being.

The bride's father and future husband would come to a betrothal agreement. This made the marriage legitimate. A procession would then occur where the bridegroom would lead his bride to her new home. Marriage was more of a low-key contract then a celebration. The day after the marriage had been consummated, guests would gather to present the bride with gifts.

The father was the leader of the //oikos// (he was called the //kyrios//, or 'master'), which was comprised of his family members, slaves, land, house and other possessions. Sons were next in line to inherit the //oikos// (after which, the next male relative would step in for inheritance), and thus, in society's eyes, deemed the more valuable in terms of maintaining the family's wealth (as opposed to daughters who were merely 'attached' to the //oikos//). If there was more than one son, the property was shared equally among them. If a //kyrios// did not have sons, he could adopt one and perhaps marry him to one of his daughters. However, if a daughter was the only surviving heir (//epikleros//), she could not inherit his estate. She was required to marry her father's closest male relative, and the estate then passed to any sons she might bear in this marriage.

Large families suffered economic harships, partly because of the structure of inheritance. If a father wanted to limit the number of children (especially daughters), he had the right to expose unwanted infants to die. Efforts at contraception were ineffective, generally because the ancients did not have any understanding of female ovulation. This is seen in what Cos wrote: to avoid pregnancy, make as thick a mixture of beans and water as you can, drink it, and you will not become pregnant for a year.

An Athenian wife who committed adultery was heavily penalised because of the essentiality of having legitimate sons to protect her husband's oikos. Adultery by the husband, on the other hand, was not regarded in such a serious manner. In fact, for pleasure, it was quite acceptable for a married Athenian man to entertain household slaves or hetairai. If her husband passed away, a woman was placed under the guardianship of her adult sons or another male relative.

Because of the desire to have children, especially sons, Athenian men needed healthy, fertile wives. Women in ancient Athens were primarily seen as child-bearers and housekeepers. Those women highly regarded in Athenian society were those "least talked of among men, whether they (were) criticising or praising (them)," according to Pericles in his Funeral Oration. In his poem of c. 650 BC, Semonides compares a good wife to "a bee; the man who gets her is fortunate; for on her alone no blame settles, and his livelihood flourishes and increases because of her, and she grows old with a husband whom she loves and who loves her, bearing him a fine and well-reputed family." An Athenian woman would obtain this honour in marriage by preoccupying herself with her children and slaves, dealing with the ordering and delivery of provisions, overseeing housework, and weaving. Xenophon describes this in his //Oecomonicus//, his character telling Socrates how he taught his new wife the art of efficiency and respectability: "It will be your duty... to stay indoors and to send outside those servants whose work is outside, and to superintend those whose work is inside, and to receive what is brought in, and to distribute what of this is to be expended, and to take thought for and watch over what has to be stored, so that the sum laid by for a year is not expended in a month."

In an ideal Athenian situation, women would never come into contact with men outside their family, but would remain in their own part of the house. In practice, however, women often had to draw water from the public fountains nearby, especially those from less economically stable households. This being said, shopping was often conducted by the men of the house, or the slaves.

While a woman's role was to show an industrious dedication to her family, a man's role in marriage was to actively engage in politics and government, to show interest in running the state: "Men were free to engage in politics, intellectual and military training, athletics, and the sort of business approved for gentlemen," (Pomeroy, 1975:71). Greek society encouraged Athenian men to train their wives to show no interest in the political or legal affairs of men. Women were deemed incapable of legal or business transactions without the assistance of a man. This concept is demonstrated in Aristophanes' satire //Lysistrata//, in which Lysistrata describes her husband's attitude towards her inquisitive nature:

"For always at home you continued discussing the war and politics loudly, and we sometimes would ask you... What's to be inscribed on the side of the Treaty- stone? What dear, was said in the Assembly today? Mind your own business, he'd answer me growlingly, hold your tongue, woman, or else go away. And I would hold it."

Though this is most probably an exaggeration of the relationship balance between husbands and wives in Athenian society, it is nevertheless useful because it describes the ideals Athenian men had of marriage, and the inability of their wives to fulfill them, which, in turn, provides a reason for the continual discrimination women faced in Athenian society. "Teaching a woman to read and write! What a terrible thing to do, like feeding a snake on more poison!" Comments such as these reinforced the idea that the place of a woman in marriage belonged only within commitment to her family through utter submission to her husband.An education would damage a woman's integrity.

Divorce could occur in Athenian society, but it was usually decided by the men. If a woman tried to dissolve her marriage, she would only have a chance if her husband and brother supported her, and even so, her husband had the authority by law to force his wife home, as Plutarch suggests in //Alcibiades// 8.

Children were required to care for their parents in old age and continue the family line by raising their own children. Marriage was a low-key contract rather than a celebration, due to the focus on maintaining the //oikos// rather than pursuing romance in Ancient Athenian society. Ancient Greeks consented marriage within the extended family, as long as husband and wife did not share the same mother.